Forbidden. It was forbidden. The very thing that could have saved her soul was the one thing that was not granted her, the one luxury she could not afford, the one gift the God he prayed to refused to grant to her. He could not be hers. She was diminished to the position of sitting in this darkened corner and gazing upon his solemnly kneeled figure as he prayed and devoted himself to the very reason that they could not be together.

She had never thought it would be this hard. Never, in her wildest dreams had she imagined falling for such an untouchable man. For one in her life, why couldn’t fate lean towards her instead of resisting everything that could have made her happy? Why couldn’t she have him…hold him…feel him loving her…making love to her…why did it have to hurt so much? But it did, and she did feel this way, and it was her burden to bear. She would simply have to do it strongly and stoically, for herself and for the man that she loved.
 

 She was here because she had felt deep tugging inside her soul telling her that he needed her. She would give him no clues that she had come, he would never even consciously know it, but she was sure that he would sense her presence somewhere deep within him.

 The words he spoke were only unintelligible murmurs when they reached her ears, but she could almost guess what he was saying.  Asking for forgiveness, for mercy and understanding. Trying to save her soul, and his too if he had time. That was the kind of man he was. If someone was in danger, he would come to them. If someone was in pain, he would comfort them, if they were angry he would listen to them shout, if they were sad he would shed tears right along with them. And if someone was happy…then that smile would light up his face, making his eyes twinkle like he had some miraculous secret and his dimples would show, giving him a boyishly adorable quality that just made her want to reach out and hug him.
 

 How lucky the people that he devoted himself to were. If he loved someone, really loved them, then he would go to the ends of the earth to see them happy. He would give his life for them, and take extreme measures for their security. He had certainly done that for her. He had made her feel loved and wanted when no one had loved and wanted her. He had been her best friend, her soul mate, her lover and her guardian angel all in one.

 And he had paid severely for it. And, if she knew him as well as she suspected, he would continue to make himself pay for the rest of his life. The guilt would eat away at him unless she did her part and took the blame. She would gladly do that, because as long as she had a reason to be near him she could keep coming back and stealing moments…like this. They could be together, in her imagination…in her dreams… They could be everything to each other…but only in her dreams…
 

The one time that they had been each other’s world was forever etched into her memory. He was a tender, gentle lover thinking of her pleasure before his own. The way her had held her afterwards, as they luxuriated in the aftermath of heaven, the way his lips caressed her skin, the way he knew everywhere to touch so that she seemed to explode within herself with each touch, the gentleness of his embrace as he pulled her to him… they were the only things she had of his love, and she treasured each and every memory.

She knew that it would never happen again. Things were too complicated now, they were both too involved with their commitments. When they had been together, it had been simple. Two people in love. Two people whose last wishes in life were to show what they felt, to be honest for once. And…then, inevitable, they had been wrong and everything had spun into a web of deceit and lies. There were moments when it was simple again…the something would happen…someone would get caught, another lie spun… And the entire thing started over anew…

The only thing that kept her sane was coming here and seeing him when he was at his most vulnerable. It kept her belief steady that things would work out…that they had to.
 

He would be leaving soon. His prayers were almost over. It was the time each day when she quietly stood and slipped out of the chapel, silently whispering thanks to the statue that stood tall and proud where he kneeled as she wordlessly walked out the door. He would never know secret life she lived where they could be free to love each other…and she would never know of his. It wasn’t meant to be, not at this time, not in this place. Someday…she could hope…fate would make everything right…but for now she would have to watch her angel from a distance…