This story is dedicated to Karen…if she hadn’t sent me the tape; I wouldn’t have been able to write it!
 

 “I can handle anything as long as I know that Ricardo will never be hurt by me.  I remember the first time I that I met him. You already know that I came to town to take him away from my sister, right? But something happened… right away, I mean for me anyway.  Ricardo was… he was like no one that I’d ever met before.  He was everything that I’d ever wanted in a man. He was kind and he was good… I always thought that I didn’t deserve to be loved and I didn’t let myself love because of that. And you know, when I thought that I couldn’t have him I just did everything I could to hurt him.  But still, he… he did two remarkable things. God “Gabi sighed, still unable to fathom that someone would be so kind to her… to her… “He forgave me… and then he opened himself up and he… he loved me. Because he understood me like no one ever tried to before. No one ever treated me with respect in my life. Not like that. And once I knew what that felt like, I had my life back. I owe Ricardo everything because of that; I owe him my life.  I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him.”

Antonio’s heart was breaking as he listened to Gabi confess her love for his brother. But he pushed past his anguish to comfort her. Gabi came first, she always did. Even when he knew she shouldn’t. “You are not going to lose Ricardo, okay? I promised you that we’d find Francesca’s blackmail tape and I’m going to keep that promise. We’re gonna protect him. Sometimes, keeping the truth hidden is the right thing to do.”

“Thank you, Antonio” Gabi smiled at him and he knew he was doing the right thing. For Ricardo. But that part inside of him, that hidden little being that was in everyone, prompting them to do what they know is wrong screamed out. To hell with Ricardo you love her, she should be yours, damn everyone else to hell.

“I love him too you know.” He ached to hold her closely to him, to feel her lips on his again… RICARDO, his mind shouted, RICARDO.

“Yeah, I do.  And I know how much it hurts you to lie.” And I know how much it hurts you for me to be with your brother. I know how strong you are, pushing me away when I know how much you want me. Thank you God for that because I wouldn’t have the strength if it weren’t for you.

“After what I did to my brother, it’s the price I have to pay.” He said as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

“Yeah, me too.” Part of the burden was hers. Part of the sin she had committed, part of the punishment she would take willingly – as long as she had Antonio by her side, she would take anything. But something wasn’t right… the look on his face, he was thinking about something. Feeling betrayed that he was keeping a secret thought from her when she had opened up to him, she demanded. “Antonio, what?”

“Nothing.” As usual, it was his wish to shield her.

“Yes!” She said, peering at him with tearstained eyes. “What are you thinking?”

“No…Just let it go.” Dear Gaad why was she doing this, it was none of her business. Even if he was dying to tell her, to see her response to the thoughts that had been crashing down on him while she spoke.

“No, Antonio, after everything that we’ve been through…” She said pleadingly, knowing that would seal it. Antonio couldn’t say no to her, he had never been able to. She cherished that power.
 

“All right.” He lowered his head shyly and then looked up at her.  “I… um… I was thinking that… I have an obligation to my brother, it’s almost primal.  We’re blood, we’re family.  So then…I know why I’m choosing to fight to keep the truth hidden, you know what I mean?” He looked at her expectantly.

“Yeah.” Gabi was cautious, suspicious. “There’s a ‘but’ in there, isn’t there?”

“I was…” I was just thinking how jealous I am of my brother and how much warmer that bed would be… cuddled up… with you… “Listening to you talking about how much Ricardo meant to you, you said it with… passion…”

“Yeah, well, I meant it.” Obviously. And that’s why she had a death grip on the neckline of her shirt and her insides were trembling from the lack of distance between her and Antonio.

“I know you did, I know you did. You were talking about how you owe Ricardo your very life.” What did he ever do? I mean, other than forgive you for accusing him or rape, breaking up what he said was the best relationship he’d ever been in and saving your life once or twice.

“I feel like I do…”

Antonio plunged ahead, his heart pounding. “Then… is that what your love for him is? Do you love Ricardo because you feel obligated to love him… or because he’s the man your in love with?”

 The silence in the cabin was deafening.  Neither of them could believe Antonio had gotten up the courage to ask that.

“Are you asking me what I think love is, Antonio?”

“Yes.  Tell me.” Their gazes met. Antonio pursed him lips nervously, impatiently. Gabi jerked on the neck of her shirt, wishing she had worn a necklace.

Love is getting all scratched up in the bottom of a wrecked office building, running out of air, about to die either from suffocation or the impending collapse of the thousand of pounds of debris overhead and not being able to think of anything about how gloriously wonderful you feel because you just made the most magical love to the most wonderful man on earth. “Love is… a passionate, overwhelming desire for connection.  Intimacy. From the moment you wake up until the moment you close your eyes at night.  Love is wanting someone so much it hurts. And when they’re not in your life, it’s empty.  That whats I think love is.” Heated seared between locked eyes. “Antonio…”

“Did you just hear yourself Gabi?” Maybe you should repeat that. I don’t think I quite heard you right… Or better yet… show me what you meant.

“Yeah I know what that sounds like.”

“Do you?”

“It sounds like I’m talking about my feelings for you…”

“Were you?”

 “I love Ricardo and I’m going to marry him.” And the ice cracked.

“How can you do that? How can we both go on denying how we feel?” Oh yeah, they were definitely going under. Fast.

“Are you saying that you still love me? Are you telling me that you still love me?” He was done. He couldn’t stand it anymore. He had to turn away.

“You’re shivering, I’m going to see if I can find something to burn.” He turned as fast as he could. The look in her eyes was undoing him, all of the walls be had built up were falling fast.

“Wait!” Gabi was desperate to recapture the moment, the fire between them.
 

But Antonio would have no part of that. “Its freezing in here, we gotta get the fire going…”

“Antonio, stop okay, just stop it. Just look at me, please.  You’re the one that brought this up. You can’t just say something like that and then not want to talk about it. “ She said with conviction. But it wasn’t enough to stop Antonio and she knew it. He had perfected that ‘deer in the headlights’ look by now.

“That’s not what I’m doing…” He said, busying himself with avoiding her.

“Then answer me. Are you trying to tell me-“

“We’ve talked about this before, Gabi.”

“Antonio!” She was not going to let him get away with this. “Are you trying to tell me that you still love me!”

Antonio gave up. He had to face the fire – even if it meant he had to jump straight from the frying pan into it. “I told you then and I’ll tell you now, I’m committed to the priesthood, to serving God and my church.

And of course she couldn’t leave it like that. “Antonio… you just finished saying that you can’t… you can’t deny… we can’t go on feeling what we feel for each other.  If that’s not telling me that you still love me, then what? I don’t understand.” She was really at a loss. Antonio as clearly not willing to work with her on this.

With an untouchable expression, he said like a broken record.  “I love God and my church and those things come first.”

Gabi sighed. “I know that, Antonio… but you’re still not answering my question.”

“I have to get the fire going.”

“Antonio… “ She sounded like she was about to burst into tears. Antonio was very glad he wasn’t looking at her,

“Listen, I’m going to bust this thing up, it’s all we’ve got.” He fiddled around with the chair, using the adrenaline rushing through his veins to bust it into pieces.

“Will you just forget about the damn fire, please!” Gabi shouted angrily. “Why won’t you answer me!”

“Because I can’t.” He shouted back, his vision blurring from tears that he desperately repressed. Why couldn’t she see what this was doing to him?

“Because you can’t… or you won’t?”

“Just let it go, Gabi!”

Yes, he would like to let it all just go. To let go of the love and the hurt and the pain and the sadness. “Antonio I can’t let it go.  We have to talk about this, okay; it’s not going to just go away.  Please don’t shut down on me like this.”

“I can’t answer your question because it hurts too much all right.” He confessed, the pain evident in his eyes and his voice, painfully evident Gabi thought.

“Antonio, you’ve already told me that you love me, after the explosion, after we made love… Do you remember? You bring up these feelings again, feelings that you say you can’t deny but when I ask you what that means, you won’t answer me, you can’t deal with it…” She couldn’t let it go, no matter how much Antonio seemed to want to. She had to hear him say it, she had to know that he still loved her.

“Its because… it’s better if we don’t Gabi.” His answer to everything. If you don’t acknowledge it then it doesn’t exist, it dawned on Gabi.

“Better if we don’t deal with the truth?”

He whispered so softly that she barely heard. “Yes…”

“Well I think I know why…I’ve been thinking the same way Antonio. Don’t deal with it and we can pretend it never happened. You know that’s why you keep pulling back from me. You want to forget that we ever made love and that we still have feelings for each other.”

Antonio reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out what he knew would he there. He kept it with him always, to remind him of his decisions and why he had to resist temptation. The cool metal of the rosary seemed to burn in his palm as he slowly turned around to show her. This is why I can’t tell you that I love you, Gabi. Not only would it destroy Ricardo It would go against every vow I’ve taken before God.”

Gabi felt another tear slide down her face. “Yeah…” She looked up at him, trying not to sob. “So it is true, what I said? Don’t say it and it’s not true, right? None of its true and you can go on being a priest.”

“And you can marry Ricardo.” He added, always the loyal brother

“It is true, Antonio, you know. Its did happen and it is happening and now that we’re alone together we both know it. We still have these feelings for one another and they’re not going away.  You said it yourself - you can’t deny them any longer.”

“We have to deny it, Gabi. God knows giving in would be… so easy… but we can’t.  And we won’t… we’re gonna stay strong and we’re gonna just put this out of our heads.” He had regained his composure and was now slipping back into the role of priest – cool, calm, collected, in control.

------ This is where the actual script ends.  --------

“What if I don’t want to, Antonio?” Gabi whispered with her back to him. “What if I don’t want to put it out of my head? What if I don’t want to let you out of my heart?” She felt his hand on her shoulder, comforting through the thick layers of clothes.

“What are you saying, Gabi?”

“I’m saying…” She turned to face him and threw her arms around his neck, burying her face in his jacket. “I love you, Antonio.” Her words were slightly muffled, but he understood perfectly as he gathered her close to him. “I love you, and I always will no matter what.”

She laughed and stepped away. “I’ve been wanting to say that since we were rescued from the construction site.”

“Well I guess you got your chance.” He smiled tenderly, his voice choked up with emotion. “Gabi…”

“I know, I know. I shouldn’t have said that but its true, Antonio. And what you said earlier – that’s true too.”

“What I said…?” He asked, gazing down at her.

“About what I feel for Ricardo. My love for him being obligation and not… not that I’m in love…” She took a deep breath and sat down on the bed. “Ever since we made love, that’s all I’ve been able to think about… comparing what I feel for Ricardo to what I feel for you.” She looked up at him and gestured for him to take a seat beside her. When he did, she continued. “You are my best friend, Antonio… and I love you because you always know how to make me smile… you can cheer me up better than anyone and its like you’re in my soul. It scared me because I’ve never felt anything like this…”

“What do you mean, Gabi?”

She looked at him with luminous eyes and he pulled her close, feeling her need to be held. “I don’t think I was ever actually in love with Ricardo. I love him, of course, and I probably would have been happy spending the rest of my life with him… if I hadn’t met you. If I had never known what if felt like to be in love with someone like I’m in love with you, then I would have been a wonderful wife to your brother… but I do know and I can’t continue pretending that I don’t love you. I’m sorry Antonio… I can’t marry your brother.”

“Why are you apologizing to me, Gabi? I feel awful for Ricardo… and for you, I know this is hard… but you have nothing to apologize for, not to me at least.”

Gabi looked away from him. “I feel like I’m letting you down. You wanted me to marry Ricardo and now I can’t.”

Antonio was surprised. He had never realized Gabi felt that way. “Gabi, I never wanted you to do anything that you were comfortable doing. All I want is to see you happy. I thought Ricardo made you happy…”

“You make me happy, Antonio.” She tilted her head and licked her lips. She had been aching to kiss him all night. Now it looked like it was about to happen.

Antonio felt it too. It was like something magnetic drawing him to her. His eyes fell to her lips, and he whispered a prayer of forgiveness before he sent them spiraling into a kiss. They clumsily wound their arms around each other, desperate for the connection that Gabi had spoke of before, desperate for intimacy and for closeness and desperate to feel the love that they knew blazed between them, so rare and untouchable. So…right.

They broke apart moments later, disoriented but exhilarated. Gabi mouthed the word ‘wow’ and Antonio laughed, nuzzling her lips into her neck. She giggled and ran her fingers through his hair, drunk on how he made her feel. “So what does all of this mean, Antonio?”

“I don’t really know.” He smiled and kissed her lightly. “But Gabi…” His voice dropped to a low whisper. “I love you.”

Her breath caught as she took in the tender words he spoke in a deep, sexy voice. “I love you, too.”

“I know.” He sounded very, very satisfied. “You know… it’s getting pretty cold… and the bed looks pretty warm…” He gazed longingly at the rumpled covers on the mattress.

“Antonio… are you suggesting…” Gabi looked shocked.

“Oh no, not that, of course not… I mean, we have to wait… figure things out before… I was just suggesting… well, we’re gonna be here all night and we might as well get some sleep… and…” He spoke shyly, caressing her hair. “I want to hold you, Gabi. I miss the way you feel in my arms.”

“Oh Antonio…” She smiled and nodded. “Of course.” She kissed him again, unable to stop herself from reaching for him again. She had to keep touching him, to reassure herself that this was really happening, that this was real.

They slid into bed next to each other, shedding their thick coats in favor of each other’s embrace.  Tomorrow would come soon enough and they would have to return to Sunset Beach, but things would be better now… they had to be Gabi reassured herself. She had Antonio and he had her. Nothing could stop them now.

But the gleam of her engagement ring stopped her. And the guilt came crashing down, like it always did.

“Antonio?” She whispered in a teary voice.

“What is it, Gabi?” He whispered into her hair. They were laying there, entwined together in the cozy warmth and he could see the tears shining in her eyes. He followed her gaze to the ring.

“This will kill him…” Gabi said, torn between this – this wonderful, heady emotion – and the obligation, the love she felt for Ricardo. She couldn’t destroy him… she just couldn’t.

“He’s strong, Gabi. He loves you, but he’ll move on. Trust me, I know my brother. He’ll be angry, he might even resent us for a while… but it won’t last. He’ll come around. And think of how much better it will be now, with us coming clean and telling him. Who knows what might happen if we wait and he finds out on his own.”

“You’re right, you’re absolutely right Antonio… I’m sorry…” She sighed and twisted in his arms until she could face him.  “I’m just scared… and I don’t want to hurt him. But we can’t go on like this…” She ran her hands over his chest, tracing a random pattern. “Pretending we don’t love each other so much…”

“Right…” Antonio bit his lip to keep from moaning and gently stopped her hands from their play. “I wouldn’t do that… if you want us to… uh, wait…”

“What?” Gabi asked and then realized what he was talking about. “Oh… sorry…” She apologized, trying not to laugh. And failing. But she removed her hands and leaned back against him, yawning. “We’ll have to tell him… tomorrow…” Gabi said through heavily lidded eyes. The events of the day were taking their toll and Antonio could tell.

“But not until tomorrow, so don’t worry about it tonight. You just go to sleep, okay?” He kissed her on the forehead and held her close to him.

“You won’t leave me in the night, will you?” Gabi asked, trying to make it sound like a joke even though they both knew there was a serious undertone to it.

“Of course not. I’ll be right here when you wake up. Now, we both need to get some sleep, so goodnight okay?”

“Goodnight” Gabi replied, snuggling under the covers. But a few moments later. “Antonio?”

“Yes?” He replied with a grin.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“You promise I won’t wake up and find out this is all a dream?”

“I promise.”

“Good.”

And Gabi fell asleep not knowing what she would have to face when she woke up, but knowing that whatever it was she could survive it because she had Antonio with her.