“Gabi! What…?” Antonio Torres sat straight up in the hard hospital bed as he noticed a figure curled in the chair next to him. The glowing red digits on the alarm clock read 1:23 AM. His sister-in-law woke with a start and immediately smiled comfortingly over at him.
“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t be here so late but I couldn’t help it. I was worried about you…You don’t mind me coming, do you? If you want to be alone, I can leave. “ She offered, afraid she was imposing on him. She knew that he rarely got any rest because of the crowd that was usually filling the room and he relied heavily on the nurses and doctors ordering people out because he was too kind to do it himself.
“No…no, I’m glad you’re here. How…how did you get past the nurse?” He asked. There was always a strict nurse stationed in the hallway outside the elevator keeping out visitors that strayed in past the regulated visiting hours.
Gabi offered him an impish grin and explained how she had done it. “I lied. I told her that I was on my way to see my grandfather. I told her I was called up here when he went into cardiac arrest and wasn’t going to survive much longer…forgive me, Father, if it wasn’t too much of a sin?”
“Two Hail Mary’s and an Our Father…that should do the trick. Say one for me too, because I know it’s a sin to condone lying, but I’m glad you’re here.” His eyes drank in her warm smile like a drowning man. He had been worried when Gabi hadn’t come to see him all day long…it had been the first full day she had stayed away since he was admitted to South Bay, almost a month ago.
“So am I.” She reached over and took his hand. “So, how are you feeling? The chemo still making you nauseous? I hope you ate today, you know Tyus told you that you had to try and keep something solid down if you want to be released next week like he said.”
“Yes, Mama, I ate today. A whole ham sandwich Maria snuck me in. Aren’t you proud of me?” He teased, but this was something Gabi did take seriously. She leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. A flush ran through his body at the feel of her warm, gentle lips on his cold flesh.
“Yes, I am. Very proud.” She squeezed his hand and moved to sit down on the bed next to him. “I knew you could beat this thing, Antonio. If anyone could, it would be you. You have so much strength and so much faith.”
“Hey…the fight’s not over yet. I still have four rounds of chemo left before they’ll be able to tell if it’s going away…” Antonio reminded her, his voice a little husky from the tenderness in her voice and the touch of her hand to his. “But you know I don’t have this strength unless you’re by my side. I wouldn’t be able to make it if you weren’t here…I know I shouldn’t say any of this…it’s wrong…but I can’t help it. Gabi, I need you to know that I-“
“No, Antonio, please don’t.” Gabi said, near tears. “Don’t say it, please…if you do then I won’t be able to leave. God, it hurts so much. I want to be here with you every day, around the clock holding your hand and whispering encouragement and love in your ear, helping you through this but I can’t. If you say…that…then I won’t be able to go back to that house and that man who loves me. I won’t be able to keep from breaking his heart again.” The tears had long since spilled over and Antonio was unable to stop from reaching over to wipe them away. He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly as she sobbed.
“Sweetie…don’t cry, I’m sorry. I won’t…I won’t say it, I shouldn’t have even thought it. Gabi, don’t cry…come on…darling, don’t cry.” Dear Lord, what have I done, he thought to himself. He knew how much it hurt Gabi, how torn she was between wanting to be with him and needing to be with Ricardo…he knew the pain she was in. He couldn’t believe he had been about to make it worse like that. He could have slapped himself.
“I-I’m…s…sorry…” Gabi whimpered as she dried her tears. She sat up and pulled away from him. “God, you must think I’m such a baby. You’re the one in the hospital and I’m crying on your shoulder.”
“No, no Gabi I don’t think that, of course not. You have a lot of stuff to worry about…I just wish that I wasn’t one of the things…” He said, his voice heavy with regret. Suddenly the phone rang. “Who would be calling at 2 AM?” Antonio muttered before he answered. “Hello?”
“T, hey this Ricardo. Gabi there?”
“Ricardo?” Antonio glanced over at Gabi, who was slashing her finger across her throat. Antonio studied her for a moment, then spoke. “No, she’s not Ricardo. I haven’t seen her since yesterday. Shouldn’t she be home, it’s nearly 2 AM?”
“Oh…oh yeah. Sorry, didn’t mean to call so late. Been on a stake out all night, not even home now. Just wondering…there wasn’t an answer at the loft. Guess I’ll try again though…Gab isn’t too light a sleeper. See ya tomorrow, T. Gotta go, Spence is calling me. Probably wants to know where I put his doughnuts.” Ricardo hung up laughing before Antonio could even say goodbye.
“What…Gabi, why didn’t you want to talk to Ricardo?” Antonio asked. “Did you not want him to know you were here, with me?”
“Well…I just…he’s been a little suspicious lately. I didn’t want to do anything to make him even more worried…” Gabi said lamely. Antonio gazed at her through sleepy eyes, suddenly feeling the sedative he had been given earlier kick in. He was so tired now…he would ask Gabi about this later…after he had rested. He reached out for her hand again and squeezed it.
“I’m getting a little tired…will you…would you mind staying with me until I…” He felt a little embarrassed asking.
“Of course I will.” Gabi said softly, kissing his cheek and sitting down next to him. “’Night Antonio…”
“Will you be here…when…I…when I wake…” He tried
to ask, but the medicine got the better of him. Gabi was glad he had fallen
asleep without giving her a chance to reply…now she wouldn’t have to tell
him that she wouldn’t.
Antonio woke up the next morning alone, though as usual he didn’t stay that way long. Before they had even served breakfast Carmen and Ricardo where by his side.
“Mama…Mama, come on, don’t baby me!” He said as Carmen began fluffing his pillow and cleaning the dirt off the sheets on the bed. “Mama, stop…Ricardo, do something please!” Ricardo watched with a grin as Antonio was forced through the same infantile treatment that Ricardo had went through with his mother when he had had a stroke. Carmen was now fixing up the breakfast tray a nurse had wheeled in moments before, opening up the cartons of food and pouring milk over the cereal, though Antonio could very well have done it himself.
“Hey, this one’s all yours, T.” That taunting older brother gleam was etched into his eyes as he almost lost it seeing Carmen scoop up the cereal on a spoon.
“No, Mama.” He grabbed her wrist and forced it down.
“But Antonio, m’ijo, you are weak, you need help, no? And I am your mother, it is my…my duty.” She said, looking indignant.
“I’m not too weak to feed myself, Mama. Look, why don’t you go down to the cafeteria and get some breakfast yourself. Ricardo will be here to watch me, don’t worry.” Carmen thought it wrong to ever leave Antonio by himself. He had, quite frankly, gotten sick of her next to his bed doing tarot reading day in and day out. “Please? For me?”
“Si…si.” Carmen finally relented and stepped away. “Ricardo, you will watch your brother carefully?”
“Yeah Mama, I won’t let him lift a finger.” Ricardo swore and Carmen walked out of the room. Antonio began to eat the bland hospital food as Ricardo took a seat by the bed.
“You get hold of Gabi last night?” Antonio asked, careful not to give anything away that might hint towards his knowledge of where she had been.
“Yeah, around 4 AM. Swore up and down she had been asleep, but I called about five times.” Ricardo said, obviously doubting his wife’s whereabouts. “Tell me something, T.”
“Anything for my big brother.” Antonio grinned up at him.
“Yeah, yeah.” Ricardo reached over and punched Antonio lightly on the shoulder. Antonio winced mockingly and pretended to be hurt. “You and Gab are still close, right?”
“Yeah, pretty close.” Antonio said, thinking back to the night before and holding Gabi in his arms as she cried.
“Then maybe you can tell me what’s you with her. I think…man, I don’t know if I’m going overboard or what, but I think she might be seeing someone else.” Ricardo said, then waited to see Antonio’s reaction.
“What do you mean…seeing someone else?” Antonio said, his heart pounding. Of course, he had no reason to be guilty anymore. Gabi and his relationship was over, deep in the past. It had been almost three years since the cave in and they had done nothing more than stumble with each other. It had finally gotten to the point where they could be alone together without feeling tense. It had helped them gain their friendship back, and Antonio was glad. Without that, without her, he didn’t think he would have made it this far. In fact, last night had been the first time that either of them had made any mention of the feelings that still lingered between them.
“Ya know, cheating on me. Sleeping with another guy. That kind of thing.” Ricardo slumped forward, head in hands, and groaned. “It’s eating me up. Things like last night, they keep happening. I’ll catch Gabi on the phone with someone and she’ll hang up real quick, or I’ll have to stay late at the station and she won’t be home if I call to check up on her. What do you think, T? Has she said anything to you, mentioned any guys, anything?”
“N…no, Ricardo…she hasn’t said anything at all to me.” Antonio felt really lightheaded now. All those times…when Ricardo was gone…or Gabi was on the phone…they were all with him. She called no less than three times a day, more on days when she couldn’t visit, as rare as those were. “I’m sure it’s nothing though…Gabi loves you, why would she…see someone else? It makes no sense.”
“What makes no sense?” Gabi fluttered into the room and plopped down onto Ricardo’s lap, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek. “Hey, sweetie. I missed you last night!”
“Did you?” Ricardo shot Antonio a look above Gabi’s head. Lifting his petite wife easily, he stood and patted his brother on the shoulder. “Look, I gotta go. The DA has a case around noon and I’m the state’s star witness, she wants me to go over my testimony again. Watch him for me, ‘kay Gabi?”
“Sure! My pleasure.” Gabi flashed Antonio a sparkling smile and leaned up to kiss Ricardo goodbye. “You’ll be home tonight, won’t you?”
There was something sincere in Gabi’s eyes that made Ricardo doubt his recent suspicions. She loved him, it was plain to see. She really did want him home with her tonight…He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. “Of course I will, I wouldn’t miss it.” He kissed her softly then left. Gabi turned to Antonio and settled down at the foot of his bed.
“So, how are you feeling? Not tired I hope. I’m really sorry that I woke you up last night.” Gabi said, a worried look flitting across her face. “I know how important it is that you rest…”
“I’m fine, never been better…well…okay, so maybe I have been better, but I’m okay, really. Don’t worry, Gabi.” He flashed her a killer grin that made her heart melt.
“If you say so!” She chirped back, looking over his breakfast tray and picking up a stale piece of toast. “How do you eat this stuff? It’s awful!”
“I know…I would kill for an Egg McMuffin right now!” He joked, then studied her. She seemed a little more…vibrant, a little happier than she had last night. “What’s up? You look cheerful. A lot better than last night” He commented.
“I feel a lot better than I did last night.” She grinned up at him warmly. “Talking to you…it just made me feel so good! I slept like a log the rest of the night, I even slept through the alarm clock! I was supposed to work a shift at the station, but I told Spence I wanted to reschedule it.” Gabi glanced down shyly at the blanket. “I wanted to come see you again.”
“I’m glad…” Antonio said softly. His eye’s met Gabi’s, and for a moment they shared a heated gaze. Then the door opened behind Gabi, and she looked away. “Mama…I thought I told you to go eat.”
“Si, si…I did, m’ijo. I ate, like you told me to.” Carmen said in an indignant tone. “And now I have finished.”
“Yeah, but I told you to leave, Mama. Can’t you just-” Antonio said, suddenly not feeling too well. He caught Gabi staring at him, then she stood and grabbed Carmen’s arm.
“Seniora, can I talk to you outside for a minute?” Gabi said as Carmen glared at her, but allowed the younger woman to lead her outside.
A few minutes later Gabi returned alone. She made her way to Antonio’s side immediately and pressed her hand to his forehead. “Antonio, you’re sick.”
“No kidding.” Antonio joked weakly. “What did you say to Mama out there?”
“No, I mean you have a fever, Antonio…I thought you looked flushed but I figured it was the medication. You’re burning up though…” She said, worried. Antonio still felt lightheaded, and a little off but the chemo had always been the reason for that before. “I’m going to get the doctor, I’ll be right back.”
“Hey, Gab-“ Antonio called out, and she stopped near the doorway.
“What is it, Antonio?” She asked. He motioned for her to come back to his side. “What- I need to get the doctor…Antonio!” She exclaimed when he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her down onto the bed. He smirked as she began to feel like the fevered one. His hands didn’t loosen from around her tiny waist. “Wh…What…are you doing, Antonio…?”
“Don’t go.” He whispered. His face was flushed with illness, but his eyes burned with something different altogether. Slowly, with infinite tenderness, Antonio caressed her bared shoulder with his lips as he raised a hand to move the loose material down further. He gently kissed her shoulder, working his way downwards as he whispered,“Stay…with …me.” Suddenly, it hit him; exactly what he was doing. He jerked away from her. Gabi’s eyes were half closed with desire, her lips parted softly, her pink tongue peeking out just a little. His pulse raced at how sexy she looked sitting there, ripe for him. Then she realized that he had stopped and opened her eyes, a shocked expression on her face.
“An…Antonio…” Gabi stuttered.
“Gabi…don’t say anything, I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have done that…” He apologized quickly.
“I…you’re right…I’ll go get the doctor…” Gabi got up from where she had been sitting and bolted out the door. Once she was safely into the hallway, Gabi moaned, frustrated with herself and the situation. She couldn’t believe Antonio had just kissed her like that… and she couldn’t believe that her body was reacting like this. All of these sensations were running rampid through her body, things she hadn’t felt in three years, not since the cave in, when she and Antonio had made love. Oh God, why is this happening now, Gabi thought to herself as she made her way down the hall to the nurses station. She put the hormone dredging experience out of her mind as she searched for someone who could help Antonio.
Antonio’s heart pounded as he realized exactly how stupid what he had almost done, what he had began to do, what he had been going to keep doing until something interfered. He moaned loudly, his head feeling so heavy. Suddenly, he felt a shattering sensation in his chest, a harsh burning from somewhere deep inside. He couldn’t stand the pain…and passed out.
Gabi was walking with Tyus back to Antonio’s room, explaining that he looked a little pale and felt like he had fever when they heard the shrill alarm going off and nurses bustling out of a room. It took Gabi a second to realize it was Antonio’s room that they were going into. She ran into the room and saw Antonio, looking frightfully pale and very sick lying there. There was already a doctor in the room and Tyus joined right in. The world seemed to turn around her as she watched, disbelieving. He looked so much worse than he had only moments ago. Erratically, she wondered if this had something to do with what had just happened between them.
“Gabi!” Maria shouted as she entered the room. “What happened? Is Antonio…what’s wrong with him?”
“I…I don’t know...he had a fever…I went to get Tyus…when we came back, that alarm was going off…oh God Maria…” Gabi turned to her.
“He’ll be okay, Gabi…I know it, Antonio’s strong…” Maria, always thinking of others, tried to reassure Gabi as they watched the doctors work on Antonio.
“Maria, Gabi, if you’ll just wait outside someone will be with you in a moment.” Tyus said in a distracted voice. Knowing that they would be of no help here, Maria guided Gabi out into the open hallway. Gabi immediately stepped up to the window to keep watching.
“Maria, he’s waking up!” Gabi said excitedly a few minutes later, almost just as Tyus stepped out to inform them of what happened.
“You don’t have to worry, Antonio will be fine.” The doctor said, much to the women’s relief.
“Why did this happen, Tyus?” Maria asked, stepping up beside Gabi, who was almost afraid to hear the answer. It had been her, she knew it. Antonio’s pain and suffering was always because of her and the impact she had on his life.
“We think it was a reaction to the new medical treatment we’ve been giving him. It’s nothing serious, all we have to do is change the medicine.” Gabi almost sighed out loud. So what they had been doing wasn’t the reason he had gotten sick like that.
“Can we see him?” Gabi asked, looking in the room again. He was sleeping peacefully, his face flushed but thankfully no longer the pale, pasty white it had been.
“He’s sleeping, we gave him a light sedative that should wear off within an hour, but you can stay with him. Just don’t let him overdo it when he does wake up. The fever he was fighting took a lot out of him, he needs to regain his strength before doing anything strenuous.
“I won’t let him do as much as sit up without help.” Gabi promised, dying to get in there and make sure he was all right for herself. She brushed past Tyus impatiently and was by Antonio’s side in seconds. She glanced back and saw that Maria was still talking to the doctor. “That’s not fair, Antonio.” She whispered, leaning down to whisper into his ear. “You’re not supposed to scare me like that. I was so worried…I don’t know what I’d do if you left me…I love you so much, Antonio.”
He made a soft moaning sound in his sleep and shifted slightly as Gabi jumped back, afraid he had actually woken up to hear her whisper her love to him. But he settled back into his slumber and her pounding heart began to relax.
“He looks like a little boy lying there, doesn’t he?” Maria said fondly, looking down over Gabi’s shoulder at him.
“He does.” Gabi smiled softly. Maria could see the love in her sister in law’s eyes, but she wisely said nothing. She still kept her resolution of don’t ask, don’t tell towards her younger brother and Gabi, thought she doubted they were actually having an affair.
“I hate to just leave, Gabi…but I need to go pick up Benji, he stayed the night with a friend. You’ll call me if anything happens?”
“Of course, Maria.” Gabi agreed. “Tell Benji I said hi.”
“Sure. And you tell Antonio I said he’d better not let anything like that happen again, okay?” Maria smiled and touched her shoulder, her expression turning serious for a moment. “He’s a fighter, Gabi. He won’t give up.”
“I know Maria…” Gabi tried t o smile, but tears got in the way. “I know he is…”
“I’ll see you later, Gabi.” Maria said softly
and walked out of the room. She, and quite possibly she alone, knew how
important it was to Antonio to have Gabi by his side.