As Antonio holds me, I can't help but let my mind drift off…it's so wrong, I know. This man loves me. He gave up his family, his calling, and his life for me. The least I could do is return the feelings. I want to love him…I want to so badly. "Gabi?" He whispers. "Baby? Are you awake?"
He thinks I'm asleep…well, I'll let him keep thinking that. I don't have the strength to look him in the eye right now and keep up the facade. I want to tell him the truth…but Antonio deserves better than that.
You're probably getting very curious about what I'm talking about now. Maybe I should explain to you why I'm in my ex-brother-in-law's, also the ex-priest, arms tonight. Not a half a year ago, I was happily married to his brother. Ricardo Torres, the cop…and the most kind, caring man that I have ever met. It's probably good for him that I'm not with him now. He can have someone as good as he deserves with me out of his life. But, back to my explanation, I am now with Antonio because I made the worst…well, second worst, mistake of my life about four months ago. I slept with my true love's brother…again. And as this time, the second time, we couldn't hide it…Ricardo, my true soulmate, my best friend, the only person that truly has captured my heart and soul, found out. I hadn't meant for it to happen, you have to believe me when I say that. Antonio is my friend, a very good friend, and that friendship is all that I need from him. I found release in that friendship because there were no lies between us, not like there were with Ricardo. And I was so upset about having to deceive my husband…I didn't mean for it to happen again. But I sort of…fell into it, and it was giving him so much pleasure, Antonio loves me so much, I couldn't stop it…So I let him make love to me again, and I pretended that it was good, though the passion he felt was lacking on my behalf. And as I lay in his arms afterwards, I was mere moments away from telling him that it couldn't happen again. That I loved my husband, that making love with Antonio was a mistake. Pure and simple, it should not have happened. That was all there was to it. I was regretting breaking his heart, but it had to be done. As I looked up into those eyes that adored me, I started to speak when the door to the loft I shared with Ricardo, and where Antonio and I had just had sex, opened. My heart stopped, my breath caught as my husband stared in at us with shock plastered all over his handsome face. God, my world shattered in that moment, just like Ricardo's did. In a strangled voice he called out my name.
"Ricardo, wait!" I sobbed as he turned on his heels and shot out the door. "Ricardo…"I began to go after him, grabbing the shirt that had been discarded, but Antonio stopped me. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly against him. It felt like he was suffocating me, I pushed him away and then…then I realized it. It really hit me. Ricardo knew. There would be no hiding it…
And I was right. Not longer afterwards, he told me to pack my bags and never come back. Carmen had wasted no time in informing him about Antonio and my first indiscretion, when we were trapped together in the cave in. The pure hatred in the eyes that had once caressed my soul with love and cherishment made me feel like the lowest form on life on the planet…and I viewed myself like that for a very long time. But Antonio was there…he supported me and helped me. I was grateful…I needed the friendship he offered then more than anything else. But Antonio…he wanted to give to me much more than just friendship. I had never got around to telling him what I had been going to before Ricardo walked in – that I really don't return his intense emotions. I hadn't had the nerve, not after Antonio had lost his own brother because of me. I felt that I owed it to him to be with him. Even if it wasn't what I wanted.
So Antonio left his vocation in the priesthood to be with me, and I did nothing to stop him. I let him sweep me away from Surf Central, where I lived temporarily after my annulment from Ricardo, which he quickly made necessary, threatening to make the 'tape' (which Carmen had provided him with) open for public viewing if I refused to grant him the annulment. Antonio and I moved into a small, but more importantly affordable apartment on the edge of town as he promised to provide me with a ring as soon as things settle down around town. Everyone is still reeling from the shock of the police chief's wife and priest's steamy affair.
"Oh Gabi…" Antonio whispers beside me and my heart aches to hear those words that were coming next. "I love you so much, Gabi." But that's not the voice that I want to hear whispering in my ear…I can barely hold back the tears. I miss Ricardo so much…my body aches for his touch, my soul feels like it's being torn apart. Any doubts that I ever had about my love for him have been completely erased now that I'm with Antonio. I need Ricardo, I love him and I am not a whole person and will never be again until he is standing next to me, holding my hand and loving me.
Beside me, Antonio continues to stroke me face, kiss my hair, and cherish me in the ways that I don't want him to. I feel so weak…how long can I possible keep up this charade? But the answer is clear. As long as Antonio wants me to.
If I thought that there was even a tiny chance of Ricardo forgiving me, loving me again, I would be in his arms in a millisecond. But I don't think there is…I see the disgust plainly written across his face when he looks at me. He hates me now…I made him hate me. I deceived and betrayed the love of my life and now I have to suffer the consequences of my actions by suffering through my life alone.