If I’m Not In Love…
 

Gabi ran up the stairs and slammed the door to her bedroom, tears burning damp trails down her face. Why was this happening to her? Why now, when she had just gotten everything in her life under control. Things had been going so great the past few weeks. Ricardo was wonderful…their relationship was everything he had ever dreamed of and more.

“I knew it was too good to be true…” She sobbed, collapsing onto the bed. It wasn’t Ricardo that she was crying over, though. It was his brother. She had come to rely on Antonio so much, he was her best friend. But she had obviously done something to ruin that, like she ruined everything in her life. He was so distant lately, as if he couldn’t stand to be around her. It was killing Gabi. She knew that sooner or later, he would convince Ricardo that whatever was wrong with her would destroy their relationship. For a few short months she had actually believed that she was a new person. Antonio had helped her come to believe that. But he had obviously changed his mind about her. He had just, once again, rejected her advances towards a friendly dinner, a movie, even a conversation! Using some excuse that he was tired and needed some rest. She knew it wasn’t true, she had heard him tell Michael that he was going surfing in a few minutes. It seems he would even go as far as to lie to keep from spending time with her.

She picked up the phone, needing reassurance. She wanted to hear Ricardo’s saying that he loved her, that she was making a big deal out of nothing. If he believed that, then it had to be true. In her mind, Ricardo could do no wrong. He was her savior, the man who had rescued her from herself. He would make everything all right.

“-I know, but isn’t here something you can do?” She picked up the phone to hear Antonio’s voice, speaking urgently to someone on the other line. She was about to hang up when her curiosity got the better of her.

“Sorry, Padre, but no can do. The construction crews have left for the night, and there’s no way you’d get clearance to live in that place. Maybe, if things go good, a week. I doubt that even, and there’s no way in hell – sorry, Padre, there’s no way you’d be able to go there tonight.”

“This is an emergency, I have to get back to mission.”

“Nothin’ I can do, sorry.” The man sounded sympathetic but unable to help.

“Dammit.” Antonio swore under his breath, something he rarely did. “Look, I can’t stay where I’m at for one more night.”

“So get a room, but you can’t come back to the mission. What’s the problem with where you’re at?”

“One of my roommates… I have to get away from her.”

“Thought you priests were supposed to be more patient. Guess even holy guys get a little impatient sometimes.” The construction worker laughed. “Wish I could help.”

“Thanks anyway…” Antonio sighed as the man on the other line hung up. He was about to do the same when he heard a choked sob. His heart fell as he heard the click. Someone had been listening in. Gabi.
 

 She sat in her room, her tears bubbling up from deep inside of her. Before, there had been a nagging hope that maybe this was all in her imagination. But there was no denying it now. Antonio hated her. He couldn’t even stand to be in the same house with her.

 Gabi felt like her heart was being ripped in half. They had been so close… and now they were so far apart. The distance Antonio had been steadily creating had grown so that it scared. She didn’t want to lose Antonio. Except for Ricardo, Antonio was the most important person in her life. And sometimes… sometimes he meant even more than Ricardo to her. As much as she loved Ricardo, he wasn’t her best friend… he didn’t know her inside and out, he couldn’t always tell what she was thinking like Antonio could. But he wasn’t supposed to. Ricardo was the man she loved. Antonio was her best friend. Things were perfect just like that. But things weren’t just like that anymore. They were changing and Gabi had no idea how to stop them.
 

Antonio felt like the biggest jerk in the world. He had almost gone to Gabi, he had actually gotten as far as her door, his hand on the knob poised to enter when he had stopped. He couldn’t risk her finding out that what he felt for her. It was better to have her resent him. And she would, after she got over the pain. He hoped it happened fast. He couldn’t stand the thought of Gabi in pain because of him. More than anything he wanted to go to her and hold her, to make her tears and her pain disappear and to kiss her… to feel her arms around him, like in his fantasies. But this was real, not some quickly fleeting dream.
 

 “Yes?” Gabi grabbed the phone on the first ring, hoping it was Antonio. She didn’t know if he was still in the house, or if he’d left. “Antonio? Is that you?”

 “Wrong Torres.” Her heart skipped a beat when she heard Ricardo’s voice, then fell. She immediately chastised herself. She shouldn’t be disappointed that the man she was in love with had called her. And she really shouldn’t wish that it were his brother on the other line instead of him.

 “Ricardo… hi.”

 “What’s wrong, baby, you sound upset? Are you okay? Has something happened, do you want me to come over?” Ricardo sounded so worried. She felt the familiar tug at her heart and against her wishes, her lips curled into a small smile.

 “Nothing’s wrong… but you know what?” She lay down against the bed and curled up with the phone pressed into her ear. “I would like you to come over. I miss you… I want to be close to you.” She whispered. “I could fix us something to eat and we could watch a movie or something…”

 “Aw, sweetie… that sounds great. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Love you.” He said and hung up. Gabi set the phone back on the receiver. She felt guilty. It was wrong, turning to Ricardo because his brother had rejected her. But it wasn’t the same at all… she loved Ricardo, and she loved spending time with him. “I love Ricardo…” She whispered to herself… then groaned at how hollow the words sounded.
 

He showed up twenty minutes later, sweeping her into his arms with a kiss that Gabi held on to for as long as possible. “Wow…” He gasped when they finally parted. “What was that for?” He wrapped his arm possessively around her waist as she smiled a beaming smile and tilted her face up towards his to look him in the eye.

“I told you on the phone… I miss you.” And to prove her point, she pulled him into another warm, passionate kiss.

Antonio felt like he was going to be sick, watching them from the staircase. She obviously wasn’t as torn up over me as I wanted to believe, he thought bitterly to himself. “T, hey!” Ricardo broke away from Gabi – his girlfriend, Antonio reminded himself – to greet his brother.

“Antonio…” Gabi said, trying to sound surprised and happy… and failing at both.

“Gabi,” He nodded to her. “Ricardo. I was just on my way out.”

It was a blatant lie and he had a feeling they could both see right through it. He had always been a transparent liar. Luckily, Ricardo was in the mood to be alone with Gabi so he didn’t question it. Gabi certainly wasn’t going to. She didn’t want Antonio disliking her any more than he seemed to.

“Wait- T, would you mind helping me with something first?” Ricardo called out just as Antonio was about to make his way past them. “I found that old lava lamp we used to have and I thought we might could get it working again. It’s in the car, I’ll go get it real quick.”

Before Antonio could protest, Ricardo was out the door… leaving Antonio and Gabi alone in a very awkward moment. “So…” Gabi tried to sound cheerful. “What are you doing tonight?”

“Oh…I… meeting with a… a parishioner…” He felt his face burning from the lie.

“That’s nice.” Gabi smiled, trying to put him at ease and Antonio couldn’t help but smile back. She had a pull on him that he couldn’t resist.

“Gabi… about earlier…” He began to say. “I know you heard… on the phone… I just…”

“You don’t need to say anything, Antonio.” Gabi forced back tears. “Really, it was none of my business. I shouldn’t have listened in… I’m sorry.”

“Gabi… I don’t want… you haven’t done anything wrong, Gabi. It’s just me.” He smiled and reached over, as if to hug her then quickly pulled back. She would definitely see through his façade then. He glanced down at his watch and then back at the door. “Look, tell Ricardo I’m sorry but I’ve really got to go.” He pushed his way past her and out the door. Before he closed it behind him, he looked back at Gabi, who had lost her battle against tears. He couldn’t help but watch.

And he was still watching when Ricardo came back, entering through the garage door. His eyes were glued to them as Ricardo held Gabi, looking concerned. She leaned into him gratefully and cried. Ricardo was puzzled, but he didn’t push for an explanation. He just held her and then, when she broke away kissed her softly.

Antonio watched with a heavy heart. This was exactly why he couldn’t let Gabi know what he felt… he could never let her know how much he loved her.
 

If I’m Not In Love with You by Faith Hill
 

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