“Dear Lord”, Gabi started out her prayer as she knelt in front of the alter at St. Joseph’s Mission. “Lord, please, please, do not do this to me. I know I have sinned, over and over, and I need to be punished, but please, do not punish me like this. You can’t be this cruel, I can’t take it, I can’t live like this. I can’t live without him, Lord. He is my life. He…. He was my life. What am I going to do without him? What are…. what are we going to do/. Bring him back, it’s on your power, I know it. You can’t do this to me!! You have to bring him back…. take me instead! Please, take me…. bring him back…”
She broke down in tears, covering her face with her hands. Her heart broke a thousand times over every second of the day. Just like it had every day since she had gotten the awful news. The horrible, devastating news that the only two men that Gabi had ever loved were gone. Antonio and Ricardo Torres both killed in one cruel trick of Fate. Antonio had been driving Ricardo to the doctor’s office, for his checkup. Gabi had been supposed to do it, but she had had a doctor’s appointment of her own, at a doctor’s office across town to get to, so Antonio had graciously volunteered to chauffeur Ricardo to the hospital and back. Gabi had been walking out of the doctor’s when she had gotten the news. A car accident. Two men involved, on their way to South Bay. Both were DOA. Gabi had immediately known who it was that they were talking about, there had been no doubt in her mind. She had been hysterical when they took her to South Bay to identify the bodies…and she had still been hysterical two hours later when Maria had taken her home.
The funeral had been held two days before, but Gabi hadn’t attended. She hadn’t had the strength. In fact, this trip to the mission had been her first outing in the week since the accident had occurred. Gabi had felt the need to be closer to the man she loved, the man she had given her heart and soul to. And the mission was the place to do that.
Gabi was still sobbing, sitting on the
front pew, staring at the place where Antonio was usually stationed at.
She felt the most heart ache she had ever felt in her life. For the first
time in her life, she knew what it was like to love someone. And she knew
because to feel the loss she was feeling she had to have loved him very
deeply. Gabi only wished that she could have figured it out before, and
had a chance to tell Antonio how she felt about him. Now she would never
be able to. He was gone…. Forever.
Carmen Torres watched the woman that
had married her son from the doorway of the mission. Gabi was obviously
heartbroken, she could tell that. But it occurred to that if it was Ricardo
that she was grieving over, then she was in the wrong place. She should
have been angry…she expected herself to be angry that Gabi was betraying
her son, even after his death, but she wasn’t. For the first time since
she had met Gabi, hatred was one emotion that was absent. All she felt
for her daughter in law was pity. And empathy.
She made her way down the room, to where Gabi was sitting. She was unsure of what to do, for being nice to Gabi was something that she had little practice at, but her motherly instincts kicked in, and she sat beside that bawling woman, who looked very much like a lost child crying for someone to help her. Carmen wrapped her arms around Gabi, in a comforting way.
Gabi wasn’t sure why Carmen was doing this, but she was glad for the chance to be near someone that seemed to understand. For long minutes Gabi cried in Carmen’s arms, releasing all of the emotions she had been suppressing. Everyone had assumed that her depression was because of the death of her husband, and Gabi hadn’t told anyone that the real reason the loss was so tremendous was because that it had been Antonio Gabi was missing the most. It was Antonio that Gabi truly needed beside her. Gabi had another secret, too. One that she had vowed not to tell anyone. Because telling would tarnish Antonio’s reputation and she did not want to do that. She and Antonio had not been able to stay apart, as much as they tried, it was all for naught. Soon after Ricardo had been released form the hospital, Antonio and Gabi had found themselves alone together, and unable to suppress their passion. Once they had been together, neither wanted to stop meeting, and things had escalated until they had were having an affair.
“Seniora Carmen…” Gabi said hesitatingly, as she pulled away from Carmen. “I…thank you.”
“No, no, Gabi. There is no need to thank me.” Carmen said kindly, confusing Gabi. The last time they had talked had been before the accident. Gabi had assumed that Carmen would blame her sons’ death on her, and Gabi had been ready to accept the responsibility. After all, it was her fault, in a way. If she had driven Ricardo like she had been supposed to, then maybe none of this would have happened. “Maria says that you are not eating, Gabi. That is not good. You should be taking care of yourself. My son would not have wanted this. Neither of them.”
“Thank you, Carmen, but you don’t have to worry about me…” Gabi began to say, but was interrupted by Carmen.
“It is not you I am worried about, Gabi. It is my grandchild’s health that concerns me. You should take care of yourself, for him.” Carmen said, in her famous, all knowing tone.
“How…how did you know I’m pregnant?” Gabi asked curiosly. Gabi had made it a point to do her best to hide her pregnancy. She was planning on leaving town, and raising her child somewhere where Gabi wouldn’t have to hide the fact that Antonio and not Ricardo had fathered it.
“My cards told me of your condition. Just as they told me that Antonio, and not Ricardo, is the father of this child.” Gabi’s heart stopped. She knew what was coming next. Carmen was going to let her have it, she just knew it. “Do not look so frightened. I came here to apologize to you, Gabi. I was wrong to hate you. You are not evil…not as I thought before. I realize that hate is the only emotion that you were taught as a child, and you cannot be held at fault for that. Just as you cannot be held at fault for loving my hijo, my Antonio. He loved you, also, and very much. I only wish that I could have known that before. So that Antonio could help you raise your child.”
“Seniora…I don’t know what to say…except…thank you. For forgiving me, and for understanding.” Gabi was discovering that she was wrong, too. As she looked into Carmen’s eyes, she realized where Antonio got his kindness, and his loyalty from. Carmen wasn’t a hateful person by nature, she just cared very much for her family. She had only been trying to protect her sons from what she had perceived as a threat.
“Gabi…I will forgive you, if you do one thing for me. I want you to stay in Sunset Beach.” Gabi was amazed at how much Carmen had been able to tell about her plans. “I want the chance to be able to raise my grandchild.”
“I…of course, Seniora.” Gabi found it
was impossible to deny her request. If Gabi left town like she had been
going to, it would have taken away Carmen’s last link to her son. His child.
“Good, good. Now, mi hija, wipe your
tears, and we will leave. You need to eat, and rest. Neither of which you
can do here.” Gabi wasn’t ready to leave though. She hadn’t even gone by
Antonio’s office yet…
“Just let me stay a little-“ She started.
“No! No arguments, Gabi. Come with me.” Her words were sharp, but not her tone. She sounded very motherly, very loving. Just they way Gabi didn’t remember her mother sounding. Her own mother had died when Gabi was very young…and Gabi had always wished that someone would love her as much as Carmen loved her children. “Nuera, we will come back. Soon, I promise. And when we get to my house, after you have eaten and rested, I will tell you stories of Antonio when he was a child. So you can know what to expect from yours.”
Gabi smiled, grateful. Carmen did understand what she was going through. And she knew that Carmen would need this child to help recover as much as Gabi would. Somehow, they would both keep Antonio alive this way.