Thorn
 

Gabi stared down at the inconspicuous white box that lay innocently on her lap. She couldn't believe that this was happening, that fate could be this cruel to her. She had sinned against God, she had taken his son away from him, and she was paying for it. But now, now Gabi had thrown her another twist. He obviously thought that the price she was already paying wasn't enough. She had to have more pain, more angst, more suffering to atone for what she had done. But a baby…

This was awful; by far even more painful than the devastating news she herself had been delivered only a week ago. Her life was not worth anything, it was expendable and Gabi was prepared to pay by sacrificing her meager existence. It was worth it so Antonio wouldn't have to pay the same price. Therefore, she was well prepared to meet death. But now…now she couldn't. She couldn't die, not with this life growing inside herself. This was something that she and Antonio had made. It was too precious to give up. Then again, she might not really have a choice. If the disease that was ravishing her body found it's way to this unborn child, both of them would be lost.

Gabi jumped up from the bed she had been sitting on, and grabbed the phone. The box fell from her lap, but she didn't notice. Her fingers dialed the familiar numbers. The phone rang for minutes before the familiar, but unsettling voice of her once lover answered. Her heart warmed at the sound of his voice then grew cold at his greeting.

"St. Joseph's, Father Antonio speaking." Father Antonio, he had said. Innocent words that he spoke dozens of times a day. His title, his name. But they meant so much to him. Gabi knew that those two words defined Antonio. She slammed the phone down, her hands shaking. She couldn't do this to him! What had she been thinking? Antonio didn’t need to know what was going on, it would only hurt him. And she had left Sunset Beach so that she wouldn't hurt him. Telling him this now would only make his pain that much more unbearable. For her as well as him.

"No, no, I can't do this. I can't!" She said, breaking down in tears. She wept her pain out; clinging to the picture that had found it's way into her hands. It was a picture of Antonio, one that she believed had captured the very essence of him. Love, strength, loyalty. She could see them in him, just as he had been able to see the best in her. Her heart ached as memories of the last time she had seen him filled her. She had come to say goodbye, for good, and it hadn't gone exactly the way Gabi had expected. This child was a result of that time.

When her tears had run dry and there was nothing left the cry, Gabi sat up again, the picture still gripped tightly in her hands. She stared into his warm, dark eyes, and from them she found the wisdom to know what she had to do. This child she carried was not hers, it never would be. It was a gift though. A gift that Gabi had no intention of wasting. It was her purpose, the reason she had been put into this world, and when she was done nurturing it as best she could, her time would be up. Then this wonderful, amazing miracle would be put into Antonio's capable hands. She could give him this, she would not fail him this time. She couldn't.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

8 MONTHS LATER

"Ma'am? I'm Antonio Torres. I was called here…." Antonio said to the nurse behind the counter.

"Mr. Torres, we've been expecting you. I'm glad you're here, you've arrived just in time." He had received an urgent call that morning to come to this town, this hospital as soon as possible. When he asked what for, he was refused an answer, only ordered to be there within hours. Not knowing what he was being called for, he had decided to come. But something deep inside him told him that it was serious.

"In time for what…ma'am?" He tried to ask, but she ignored him.

"Room 324, hurry if you want to catch her before the doctor comes." Antonio's heart began pounding. He had a sinking suspicion that it was Gabi, he had since that morning, but he had hoped that he was wrong. He took off down the hall for room 324. He pushed open the door quickly, unable to stand the pain of not knowing.

His heart skipped a beat when he saw who it was. His worst nightmare, confirmed. Gabi lay on the bed, but it wasn't the Gabi that he remembered. Her face had an unnatural paleness to it, her hair lay limp on the pillow. Her eyes were closed, but he could tell that when opened, they had probably lost the sparkle that had lingered in there before, the mischievous quality that had always been there before. The woman lying before him seemed a stranger, not his Gabi, but there was also something about her that was his. As if somewhere inside her, she was still his Gabi.

He summed all of this up after his first glance at her, his eyes didn't even sweep over her the rest of her, but stayed glued to her face.

"You came." She whispered, startling him. Her eyes remained shut. "I was scared that you wouldn't come."

"Gabi…" He managed, but nothing else.

"It's me, Antonio. I know I look different, don't I? I look sick. I am sick." She said with a wry laugh, one that he had never heard from Gabi.
"What…why…" He started. Never finishing either sentence. He finally managed to wrench his eyes away from her face, and noticed her swollen stomach. "Gabi…you're…are you…?"

"Yeah, I'm….ohh…" Her eyes flew open as she grabbed her stomach, moaning painfully.

"What's wrong?" He was by her side instantly, unable to stand the thought, and the sight, of his Gabi in pain. "Should I get a doctor? Are you okay?"

"Fine…" She managed once the waves of pain had subsided. "Just a contraction…"

"Oh God…you're in labor? That's why…" He trailed off again, his mind racing too quickly to complete any thought.

"That's why I had the nurse call you. I wanted you to be here for your daughter's birth. She's going to need you." Her second sentence distracted him so much that he didn't even notice the hidden implications in her third.

"My daughter? Gabi…are you having my child?" He asked, already knowing the answer. He could see it in her eyes.

"Antonio…oh…" She started to say something, then stopped. "Ohhhhh….Antonio….GET THE DOCTOR!"

He raced out of the room, tagged a doctor. Quickly bringing him back to Gabi, who was just beginning to recover from the painful contraction. The doctor quickly surveyed her, and decided that her daughter was not yet ready to join the world.

"It won't be much longer, Ms. Martinez, I promise." He smiled kindly at her, then left the room.

"Gabi? What's wrong? With you, I mean." He said quietly, taking her hand. She carefully avoided his eyes. She had been preparing for this moment for months, but it was still the hardest thing that she had ever done in her life.

"I'm dying, Antonio." She said. His heart stopped as she whispered the words. "I'm dying."

"Gabi…you can't be…how?" He asked, pain filling face in the very way that Gabi had been dreading having to see.

"I have cancer." She said, gripping his hand in what she hoped was a comforting manner, for it very well could have been out of the desperation she was feeling, too. She had prepared herself for this, she had went over it again and again, yet nothing could lessen the pain of knowing that your life was going to end.

"Gabi, why didn't you tell me?" He said, realizing that she must have known for months about her condition. That had been the reason she had left…the reason she had been so desperate when she came to him that last time. She had thought that would be the last time they would ever be together.

"I'm sorry." She finally reached up to meet his eyes, and the pain she felt was mirrored in his soul. Smiling softly, she picked up his hand, the one that was linked with hers, and placed it over her stomach, where the child that lay within was moving, restless to join them in the world. Tears gathered in his eyes as he felt the small being kick against his hand.

"Gabi…I lo-"

"Don't, Antonio. Don't say it." She said. The pain, the emotional pain paired with the physical pain that was beginning to crash over her in waves once again, was too much. Tears formed in her eyes, but these were not the same as the ones that he had been experiencing moments before. "Antonio…I can't take any more of this…it hurts so much…oh, God!"

He immediately went to retrieve the doctor again, and it was decided that Gabi was finally ready. By then the contraction had faded, much to Antonio's relief.

As Gabi was being prepared to be taken to the delivery room, Antonio went with her. Gabi must have explained the situation, because no one objected to the priest following along.

Despite her pain, the delivery went surprisingly well. Her frail, weakened body wanted to give up, she was not strong enough for this, but Gabi refused to lose this child, though by all rights, she shouldn't have even lived long enough to be here doing this. The doctors had initially told her that it would be only a matter of months she had to live. That had been almost nine months ago. Everyone was astounded that she had made it this long, but Gabi wasn't. She had forced herself to make it this long, for her baby.

She gripped Antonio's hand with surprising strength as she pushed with all her might. Not half an hour after she had been brought in, a healthy baby girl was brought into the world.

Gabi watched as the doctor wrapped her in a blanket and placed the newborn in Antonio's arms. He was crying tears of joy as he gazed down into his daughter's face. He turned to Gabi, who held out an arm. She wanted to look at her daughter, for the first and the last time. Antonio placed the child in Gabi's arms. She felt an incredible feeling of accomplishment, of pride and joy and love. She had done it. She had made it through her life, and she had ultimately succeeded.

There was also a horrible sadness in her heart as she handed the child back to Antonio. She would never again be able to hold her baby girl. She wouldn't be able to watch her grow up, would never be able to protect her like a mother should. But Antonio would do that. Feeling her life slipping away, Gabi looked at Antonio. He sat down on the bed next to her.

"Antonio…take care of her…" She whispered. Antonio didn't realize what she meant for a second he was so overcome with emotion.

"Gabi…I can't do this on my own…" He said, but she chose not to answer. "I love you."

"I love you, too…both of you. Take care of our daughter." She said softly, and in the seconds that followed, she saw everything. And nothing. She saw her life, but only the best things. She saw Antonio, saw him loving her. She saw her friends, the people that cared. Antonio. She saw her daughter, grown up, and Antonio with her. A single tear escaped her before she gently shut her eyes, never to open them again.
 

The bird with the thorn in it's breast, it follows an immutable law; it is driven by it knows not what to impale itself, and die singing. At the very instant the thorn enters there is no awareness in it of the dying to come; it simply sings and sings until there is not the life left to utter another note. But we, when we put the thorn in out breasts, we know. We understand and still we do it. Still we do it.
 
 

LINES TAKEN FROM INTRODUCTION AND LAST PARAGRAPH FROM 'THORN BIRDS'