Antonio sat in his car, watching Gabi. She was with Ricardo, having a wonderfully romantic picnic on teh beach with her husband. Ricardo. Antonio couldn't stand watching the newlyweds, but he couldn't make hiself stop watching, either. It was his self-given punishment. To watch Gabi and Ricardo grow closer, fall more in love. He made himself see it, to remind him that he could never do anytihng to tear them apart. It was up to him, Antonio Torres, to see to it that his brother stayed happily married. Even though it was slowly, but surely, destroying him.

 He spied on them until his heart could take no more. Hot, angry tears spilled off his face as he sped away from the secluded beachfront section of land. His soul ached to rip Gabi out of Ricardo's arms, to take her away and show her that she belonged to him, not to Ricardo. That she was him. But, of course, she wasn't his, and she would never be. She was Mrs. Ricardo Torres. That name was etched into his memory, just as they day he had married them in the hospital was. Giving the moonlight picnic area once last glance, Antonio left them behind.
 
 
 

 Gabi looked into Ricardo's eyes, and tried to pretend that she didn't see the love and adoration that was so clearly there. She didn't look closely, which was a good thing. because if she had, then surely she would have seen that just under that love was a burning hate. But she didn't see that, and he kept up his facade of being a devoted husband. He had to, because, quite simply, he wasn't going to give up his wife. Not to his brother, not to anyone.

 And Gabi remained oblivious to what was going through her husband's head as he leaned in to kiss her. He had been trying to seduce her into his bed for weeks, but after losing Antonio, she knew that she would need time before she was ready for that big of a step toward Ricardo. She wanted to make Antonio happy, although it eluded her how her being with someone else would do that, and if being married to his brother was how she was going to have to do it, then she would. But sleeping with him...she just wasn't that strong yet. She was going to go a bit further than she had before though. Or at least she had been planning on it. As his lips neared hers, she heard a car screech away, obviously at a very high speed, she jumped away from Ricardo, ending the short lived embrace. The most horrible feeling passed through her, a feeling that someone was watching them...like Antonio was watching them. Gabi jumped up from the blanket that she had been sitting on.

 "Gab, what's wrong?" Ricardo asked her, concerned.

 "I...I just don't feel good....can we go home?" She was jumpy, anxious, and Ricardo wondered why. He really hoped it didn't have anything to do with Antonio. He had been keeping close tabs on her and his brother, and he knew for a fact that thye had not been meeting or anything like that. He was starting to think it had been a one time thing or something. He hoped it was. Then he could trust them both again.

 "Sure...sure, Gabs, we can go. Lets get the stuff together." It didn't take long to load up, and less than ten minutes later, they were on the road again. They had turned onto the highway when Ricardo's beeper let off a blaring BEEEEP. He glanced down at the illuminated numbers and let out a curse.

 "Who is it?" Gabi asked him curiously. It was almost dark, and Ricardo had been assured that he had the entire night off.

 "The station. It's a 911, I have to get down there. I'm gonna drop you off at the loft first, though, okay?" She nodded and managed a weak smile. Not much later, she was fumbling with the key outside of the loft that she now called home.  She stepped into the familiar place, glad that Ricardo had left the heat on. It was unusually chilly tonight. She slipped into more comfortable clothes, and curled up on the bed, shivering. It was only 8, but she was tired, and quickly dozed off.....
 
 

 "Antonio! What are you doing here?" He stepped into the room, and walked over to her.
 "Don't you know, Gabi? I came for you." At that point, he took her into his arms."I love you, Gabi, and I can't live without you. Tell me you feel the same way." He demanded, and she quickly complied.
 
 "Oh, Antonio, of course I do! I love you so much!" He leaned in to kiss her....
 
 

 "OH!" Gabi sat straight up in bed. She glanced at her watch, surprised to find that she had only been asleep for half an hour. It had seemed so much longer...the dream had been so vivid. She felt the excrutiating need to see Antonio, an ache inside of her that almost felt like physical pain. Her eyes wandered, landing on a picture of her, Antonio and Ricardo....she needed to get out of here. Now.

 Pulling on some clothes, she grabbed the car keyes off the table and hurried out, not even bothering to leave her husband a note. She needed to get away, and she knew exactly where to go. It was a place she had been a lot recently.
 
 
 
 
 
 

 Antonio threw another thick branch into the raging fire he had made, and sat back on the bed. After seeing Gabi and Ricardo, he had needed to get away from Sunset Beach, everything there reminded him of them, and he had known exactly where to come. The cabin in Big Bear. The only place that had truly been his and Gabi's. Every other place they had been to, Ricardo had in some way interrupted them. Even in the cave in, after they had made love, Ricardo had showed up. And all of those times they had come so close in his office at the mission...then that final time, in his room....of all of the times they had been together, this wasthe place where it had been just them.

 He came here a lot recently. He would rent it by the week, then drive up here for the weekend. Someone else came, too, he was able to tell, but he didn't care. Who ever it was was never there when he came, so he had no problem with it. Antonio leaned back onto the soft covers, his mind wandering ot Gabi. What was she doing now? Was she with Ricardo? On the beach still? Or had they made it to his bed yet? The scenerios get worse and worse until he forced himself to forget about everything. Except her. Antonio could nevr fully erase Gabi from his mind. At any given moment, no matter where he was or what he was doing, she always lingered close by. Her smile would pop into his mind while he was giving a sermon, he was reminded of the softness of her skin when he held a child at the Youth Center...the reminders were endless. There was always someting to bring her to the front of his mind.

 All of a sudden, a startling crash jerked him out of his reverie. He ran to the door, and opened it. Immediately he was assaulted by a harsh wind. He made his way through the think fog that had gathered to the car parked sideways against a tree. A voice called out to him.

 "I....I dont knwo what happened." Gabi could see someone there, but it was so gard to see. She had no idea who it was."The fog was so thick...I just didn't see that tree. Can you...." Her voice trailed off as she saw who had come to her rescue."Antonio."

 "Gabi, what are you doing out here?" He grabbed her shivering body and pulled her to the door. Once they were inside, he slipped offhis jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. She was grateful for the warmth, and even more, for having him here.

 "I came out here...I do sometimes, to get away. What are you doing here?" She asked him as he loaded more wood into the fire.

 "Same reason you are, to get away." He turned to her. "How bad is yoru car?"

 "I don't know...probably just a dent." She sat on the bed, seeing the rumpled covers, she knew that she was in the same spot her had been. It comforted her in an odd way. He sat next to her, taking her icy hands in his. The touch of thier skin shocked her, sending delicious tremors through her body, and immediately warming her up a little. She was saddened when, a few minutes later, he removed his hands to get a blanket for her. She watched him move across the room, wondering if this was some kind of sign, that they had both come here tonight. It was the first time they had been alone in a room together since....well, since they had been to this cabin last.

 By the time he returned to her side, she knew what she wanted to do. They were here, together, and not going anywhere soon, because of the fog outside.

 "Antonio..." There was something in her voice that made him look up at  her.

 "Yes, Gabi?" His voice was deep, and almost a whisper. She moved closer to him.

 "Kiss me, Antonio." She demanded in a soft, but serious voice. He swallowed nervously, and began to speak, but her finger placed gently against his lips silenced him immediately. "I know that you want to, so don't try to deny that. And I want to, too. So, please, Antonio, just one kiss." But both of them knew that it would not stop with just one kiss. Of they let themselves have that, then their would be no holding back. That was what Gabi wanted.

 Antonio stared deeply into her dark eyes, then he lowered his mouth to her awaiting lips. The kiss began softly, then it deepened, turning from a tender, slow meeting to a passionate, heated merging of thier mouths and thier souls. He took her into his arms and layed her back against the covers. He slipped off his shirt, and she wanted to watch, but he kissed her eyelids, closing them. He stripped, then moved on to her clothes. Slowly, with tantalizing, precise movements, he undid the buttons of her shirt, pulling it off, then moved on to her bra. He took his sweet time, enjoying the ecstasy on her face as he teases her nipples with his hands, then his tongue when he finally rid her of the restraining cloth. Then, came off her skirt, and underwear, much too slowly for Gabi's taste, but finally, he was done, but before he pressed thier unclothes bodies together, he took a moment to look into her eyes, to make sure this was what she wanted before he passed the point of no return. Much to his relief, the only thing to be seen in her eyes, as well as her soul, was love and passion. Lowering his mouth to hers, he gave himself to her completely.
 

What ravages of spirit
conjured this temptuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rules of love
and fate has lead you through it
you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do ...
 

 Hours later, they lay together in the tangled in the covers, warm and satisfied. They had each other, and that was all either of them wanted.

  Antonio manuevered around, pulling the blanket up around them, and gently kissed the top of Gabi's head. She looked back up at him, sleepily, and smiled, mouthing the words that Antonio longed to hear.

 "I love you, Antonio, and I-" Antonio interrupted her.

 "That's all you have to say, Gabi. I don't want you to make any promises, just say that you love me as much as I love you." When he said this, Gabi felt more love for him than she ever had before.

 "I do, Antonio, I love you." She settled into his arms, and, comforted by the warmth and protection she felt, fell into the first dreamless, peaceful sleep she had had in a very long time.
 
 

 He watched her sleep for a very long time before he finally began to drift off. He wanted to stay awake all night, making sure that she was still here, and wouldn't disappear like she had in so many of the dreams and fantasies that Antonio had about her. He couldn't believe that they had made love, after all these months, that they had given in to the feelings. It wasn't a mistake, he knew that for sure. They had both wanted.... both needed to be close, and they  had both gotten what they needed.

 As he looked down at her sleeping form clinging to him desperately, as if she were afraid he would disappear. He pulled her closer, wanting to reassure her that he would be here for as long as she wanted him to be with her. "I love you, Gabi."
 

And I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
every moment marked
with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
but I have the sense to recognize
that I don't know how
to let you go
I don't know how
to let you go
 

 When Gabi woke up the next morning, the first thing that came to her mind was 'did he leave?' She could still feel the warmth he had left on the pillow, but he wasn't in bed.

 "Antonio?" She called out groggily, and he hurried to her side. She was very glad that he hadn't left. He leaned down, and gave her an incredibly passionate kiss, and when he  tried to get up again, she pulled him down onto the bed beside her. "Where do you think you're going?"
 
 "I think I'm going..." His voice faded out as she lowered her lips away from his. They trave;ed restlessl as she nibbled on his ear, placed soft kisses on his jaw, moved her mouth down to his neck, tauntingly sucking on the delicious skin under his jaw....he finally moved her back, unable to take the torture. He wanted her again, and he had to have her.

 She still wore nothing, and he was clothed only in a pair of boxers, which she quickly disposed of, wanting no barriers at all between them. She needed him, inside her, as much as he needed to be with her. Teasingly, he entered her, then pulled out again, until she was aching with need, and he joined her fully, pressing into her, deeper, faster, increasing his pace until she was shouting out his name in ectasy. He felt her lose control, and her release prompted his. As he heard her moan his name passionately over and over, he couldn't hold himself back.
 
 "Oh, Gabi, I love you so much!" He whispered as he seperated from her. She leaned over him, resting her head against his heart.
 
 "I know, Antonio. I love you just as much." She kissed him softly, just above the plave where she could feel his heart pulsing.
 

A glowing ember
burning hot
burning slow
deep within I'm shaken by the violence
of existing for only you

 "Gabi, we have to talk." Antonio had thought about this a lot last night, and he wasn't sure how to bring it up.

 "What do we have to talk about, Antonio?" Gabi asked, still not recovered from the last round of love making.
 
 "About us. And Ricardo." Gabi buried her head in Antonio's arms, not wanting to face what she knew he was about to say, not wanting to face anything from reality. It was perfect with just her and Antonio, here, loving each other.

 "No, Antonio, we don't have to talk. We can just do....other stuff." She smiled wickedly, her hand tracing circles on his stomach, and going lower with each stroke.
 
 "Gabi, we really need to...."He closed his eyes as she moved her figners under the covers."We need to talk....about....about Ricardo....seriously....oh, Gabi."Her fingers closed around his hardness.

 "Well, Antonio." She whispered into his ear, grinning. "Looks like you're defeated by biology."

 "Mmmm.....minx." He reutrned her whisper, kissing her passionately."We do need to talk..." Then he added, as she teased him wiht her nimble hands. "Later."
 

 "Later." She mimicked, then abruptly stopped her torture."Well, then if you're so set, lets talk now." She pulled her hands away, but he wasn't about to let her do that.

 Crushing her against him, he showed her how much he wanted her. "We'll talk later."
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
 Gabi lay in his arms, once again, and looked up at him.

 "Antonio....I'm hungry!" She whined playfully.

 "Well, I have something you could eat." This time it was him smiling wickedly. To his surprised, she blushed!"Are you blushing? After what you just did to me, I didn't think that was possible."

 "Well...I've never heard you talk like that!" She defended herself."I mean...you're a PRIEST!"

 The minute the words left her mouth, she regretted them. The stricken look in his eyes told her that she had just made a mistake. A big one. "Antonio...I'm sorry..."

 "Why are you sorry, Gabi? You didn't say anything that wasn't true." He got out of bed and stood up, pulling on his boxers." You're absolutely right. I'm a preist. I shouldn't have said that, I shouldn't have done this...." Those words cut right through to her heart. She couldn't believe this...he was regretting sleeping with her....then he realized what he had just said. The tears in her eyes made him want to cry himself.

 "Gabi, I didn't mean it like that...I don't regret us making love." He touched her shoulder, but she turned away from him.

 "Yes you do! You just said it...you shouldn't have done this....that's what you said! You regret sleeping with me." She cried into the covers. He sat next to her, and reached out to her. This time she didn't push him away. He held her as she cried, talking to her, reassuring her that he loved her.

 "Gabi...I'm so sorry, you know I didn't mean that, I love you more than anything." She looked up at him with pain in her tear stained eyes.

 "Then tell me you won't leave me. Tell me, that no matter what, we will be together. Always." She demanded.  He was silent for a minute, then, when he fianlly spoke, it was in a odd voice.

 "Gabi, as much as I want to tell you that, I can't. You are my brother's wife, and I am a priest. Last night...and this morning...they were amazing, Gabi. I'll never be sorry that we made love, not here or in the cave in, but it can't happen again. You know that." She pulled away from him.  This time it was her rushing to get dressed.

 "I'm sorry, too, Antonio. Very sorry." She dressed in a hurry, then grabbed her purse." Antonio...I love you....with all of my heart. So please, please, do not touch me ever again. Do not come near me....I don't ever want to see you again."

 She left then. He listened to her start, and it broke his heart. But it was for the best. They couldn't be together, he knew and now so did she. That was good. So why did it feel do bad?

 Antonio didn't know what to do. But he knew one thing. Gabi loved him, and he loved her. Jumping up, he knew that he couldn't let her leave with things like this. He ran out the door, hoping she hadn't left yet. Luckily, her car was still sitting there, with her inside of it.

 "Gabi?" He said softly, not wanting to scare her.
 
 "My car won't start." She said, not looking at him. He opened the door and touched her arm. Still unable to look him in the eye, she stood. Much to her surprise, he put his hand under her chin and forced her to see him. Then he kissed her. A soft, promising kiss.

 "I won;t leave you, Gabi. We'll be together forever, no matter what." He whispered the wprds she had begged him to say to her earlier.

 "Do you mean that, Antonio? Really?" She was crying again.

 "With all  my heart. I love you, Gabi Mar- Torres." She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close, and he did the same. He would keep his promise. They would be together forever. Somehow, they had to make it work.
 

I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
and I have sense to recognize but
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go.

Do What We Have To Do (c) Sarah Maclaughlin

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